What more can be said? I’m sorry

I’m sorry.

I am sorry to my gay and lesbian friends in California that we Mormons got involved in an issue designed specifically to deprive you of the social and legal comforts that marriage can bring.

I am sorry that we Mormons live in a world of contradiction. On the one-hand we condemn the homosexual community for its supposed instability, promiscuity, and immorality, while on the other we seek to deny you the very institution which, according to our own heterosexual world-view, would provide the stability, commitment, and moral fortitude we claim you lack.

I am sorry because we claim that that children have the “right” to be raised in a home with a father and a mother. We are so committed to this idea in fact, that we would rather see those children already born into difficult and non-ideal circumstances languish in foster-care and other flawed systems, rather than be given the love and stability that your homes are so ready and willing to provide. Oddly, we claim that children have this “right” to both mother and father yet our own divorce rates would indicate that many Mormon children do not enjoy this “right.” Also, I’m sorry that all of our attention has been focused on you and not on preventing single persons the ability to adopt, or stripping children way from single mothers or widows and who are depriving their children of this “right” to both mother and father.

I’m sorry that our Proclamation on the Family reads more like a threatening letter from a divorce attorney, than a Jesus-like plea for compassion, love, patience, and understanding.

I’m sorry that we have spent so much time and so many resources in this “moral” battle while ignoring other battles of equal, if not more certain moral concern. For a church that has, for at least one given reason, engaged in the Proposition 8 fight to protect the will of the voters, we have been oddly silent about troubling provisions of the Patriot Act, for example, which clearly violate the rights of voters and citizens.

What more can be said? I’m sorry.

-Seth

Apology

I'm sorry my church did this, and I'm sorry I didn't say anything publicly about it.  It won't happen again.

Austin

I am sorry. I am ashamed. I am torn.

Dear friends,

I am sorry. I am ashamed. I am torn.

There are many things in the LDS religion that have left me torn in two. I am a faithful, married in the temple member, yet there is so much that I can't express to others that thrashes around inside of me. I no longer can sit through an endowment session without deep pain at the gender inequality. Relief society pains me. The culture upsets me. And now this.

I know, however, that the core doctrines of the Church are true and eternal. I believe in the plan of salvation, in my Savior Jesus Christ, and in loving Heavenly parents that sent me to Earth to be tested and tried so I might one day become as they are. I see so much potential in individuals within the Church.

But yet. I have friends that are LDS and homosexual. Many friends... and to see the fervor of the BYU students as they tried to deny my friends their rights blatantly to their faces, it really hurt. The Yes of Prop 8 posters plastered about campus, the phone banks, the blog posts. I wrote a letter to the editor of the Daily Universe expressing my anguish and disgust at some of the tactics being used to promote Prop 8 on campus, and received hateful ad hominem attacks demanding me to relinquish my temple recommend and "maybe if my husband served a mission, he should teach me the first discussion about following the prophet" (maybe I served a mission myself, why does my husband have to teach me?!) Nonetheless, these attacks on my faith which I hold so close to my heart, further testified to me the reasons why I can't support Prop 8. Although the Church said we were not to discriminate against gay people, it's exactly what we were doing. I see a clear difference in discrimination and condoning and support behaviors that are contrary to the ultimate goals of the Church to build and strengthen eternal families. Families are essential to the Gospel, but what about the individuals that Heavenly Father loves just as equally that want to create families in a different manner? Should a political system hinder them?

I do not see legalizing same sex marriage as devaluing my marriage to my dear husband. I love him fiercely, just as many homosexual individuals love their partners. Why should they be prohibited from expressing their love and commitment through a marriage covenant when I have that right?

Thank you for the outlet.

Caitlin

I am now rectifying that wrong.

I am writing to apologize for not raising my voice sooner! I stopped attending the Mormon church in 2000, when political lessons, sermons, and letters about proposition 22 were more common than the Gospel of Jesus Christ--but that is all that I did. I did not write letters of dissent, I did not actively participate in trying to defeat prop 22, and I did not have my name removed from the records of the church. I am now rectifying that wrong.

It turns my stomach that the Mormon church was so willing to impose their moral view onto the constitution of California, that they were willing to promote grotesque lies in order to strip Californian's of their civil rights. I feel that the leaders and members of this church need to be called to repentance! That the preisthood, the power to act in the name of Christ, was used to disenfranchise and abuse families, it is too great an injustice to overlook or swallow down.

The Mormon church stood in judgment on families--what sort of families are best, which are not ideal, and which families are so far from their divine understanding of family that they must be disallowed and disbanded in the state of California. Well I was raised in one of their "ideal" families, along with 10 other children, and I can say their judgment could use a little fine tuning.

God's view on homosexuality as expressed by Mormon prophets and leaders has changed so many times that the Mormon church has no credibility on this subject. From G.Q.Cannon advocating the utter destruction of homosexuals to B.K. Packer not ruling out violence as a defense against someone who is gay to now not condoning violence against gay people. From adamantly proclaiming that "God does not make people that way" to now "stating that whether nature or nurture — those are things the Church doesn’t have a position on." From being certain that homosexuality was caused by pornography, masturbation, and selfishness, to now saying, "...who can say?" From assuring homosexuals that they can "overcome and return to normal happy living" to now asking them to remain celibate. Mormon prophets claim to have a direct line of communication to God, is God changing His mind, or is the Mormon prophet doing the best he can with what he knows? Given all of the doctrinal changes that have already occurred with regard to homosexuality, one can only assume that the prophet will get it right about 20 years after the rest of the country, i.e. Spencer w. Kimball and preisthood for all worthy males in 1978 21 years after the first civil rights bill was signed into law. Hey maybe they will figure out that women can be true equals too.

I did follow my conscience in the voting booth and ignored my church

I was shocked when our Bishop announced from the pulpit that church leaders would be seeking members to become politically active and work against our gay and lesbian brothers and sisters. Surely there is some legal implication to this religious attack on their civil rights. Our stake President told the local paper that no in-church campaigning was done but that was a lie! This gracious, kind, good man was forced by church leaders to do what he did but I also know the LDS church preaches free agency adamantly and he could have chosen otherwise. But if he had, he would have lost everything and been excommunicated and shamed and shunned by the church leaders in Utah and elsewhere. My best friend is a gay man, one of the best people I have ever known. It is important to me that he knows I did follow my conscience in the voting booth and ignored my church. I am so sorry for what the Mormon Church and the Catholic Church did. I am ashamed to have been Catholic most of my life and Mormon now. If there were ever legal action taken against what the church did I promise I would testify they did use "church" to manipulate "state" and violated your civil rights.

I'm apologizing because of my own belief that God loves everyone and I should too.

I do not live in CA and probably never will but the events of the past few weeks coming out of CA have greatly affected me. Oh, I wish the Church hadn't called on its members to use their means and time to support this proposition. I am truly sorry it did.

I am not gay, have no gay relatives, and have only a few gay acquaintances. I'm apologizing because of my own belief that God loves everyone and I should too. Civil unions are fine with me but so is marriage, if that is what people feel strongly about. Gay marriage will not hurt my marriage. I hope that CA courts begin work on this quickly and overturn the "will of the people."

I will continue to be a practicing, card-carrying Mormon but the last few weeks have been difficult. Writing my apology has been almost therapeutic for me, allowing a venue for my thoughts to be expressed (other than my poor wife). To all those who are gay and who happen across this blog: Hopefully the future brings us together through compromise, mutual respect, and education. Until then, I'm sorry.

This has been a huge crisis of faith for me.

I have never understood how anyone could believe that banning legal marriage from someone with a different sexual orientation somehow protects heterosexual marriage. I am confused, mortified, and profoundly distressed by my church leaders' 2008 directive to LDS members to donate time and money to intensive pro-Prop 8 propaganda campaigns. This has been a huge crisis of faith for me. In my opinion this effort should have been directed towards ways to protect all marriages from the things that really endanger couples and families like domestic violence and our too high divorce rate, among others. Please know that many in my family prayerfully voted against Prop 8. Please also know that there are many other LDS church members in distress over this civil rights issue. I profoundly hope that the California Supreme Court will uphold the recent marriages that are now so unfortunately banned, and that they will find a legal loophole in so doing that expands marital rights to all. Lastly, I have been profoundly moved by Carol Lynn Pearson's books, especially her landmark "Goodbye I Love You" and her more recent "No More Goodbyes". I have appreciated websites like mormonsformarriage.com that teach marriage equality to the LDS community and others. I hope they will continue in their good work to educate Mormons and others about the importance of equal marital rights for all.

I am so sorry for what my church and other churches did.
Pat