Todd was one of the kindest, most thoughtful, humane, gentle and utterly Christlike people I have ever met.

I once had a friend named Todd. We were best friends since we were both seven years old. He told me he was gay just before I left on my mission. To my eternal shame I thought homosexuality was—as the church clearly taught—an abomination. I encouraged Todd to stick close to the church and not act on his feelings; he left the church a few months later, but I wasn’t about to drop my best friend. I wrote to Todd from my mission and told him I loved him no matter what and would prove it by treating him no differently than I did before; we remained best friends.
By the time I returned from my mission, Todd was living in Salt Lake City. He would tell me stories about how people would give him dirty looks when he walked downtown, quietly holding his boyfriend’s hand; how they would even cross the street to avoid him; how people at adjacent tables in a restaurant would make comments under their breath, just loud enough for him to hear; how people would yell obscenities or even spit at him.
Todd eventually met a man for whom he fell deeply in love. He was, of course, never allowed to legally marry that man, the person of his dreams. Instead, he and his boyfriend were joined in a ceremony performed by a kind female clergy member of an open Christian faith. It was beautiful.
Shortly thereafter I told Todd that I had been mistaken; the church was wrong and I loved every part of who he was. I never felt better. After Proposition 8, I called Todd and told him I would no longer support an organization that allowed such discrimination. I left the church, and I am honored to now be able to donate my time and money to support gays instead of suppress them.
With the exception of my time in the mission field, I interacted with my friend Todd almost every day of my life for 21 years. Todd was one of the kindest, most thoughtful, humane, gentle and utterly Christlike people I have ever met. Late one night, just four months ago, Todd drove up a canyon near Pleasant Grove, Utah and threw himself off the top of a waterfall. He died instantly.
I am not okay with that. I miss Todd terribly, and from the bottom of my heart, I am so sorry to the entire gay community for ever supporting a religion that is clearly so hurtful to you.
I believe God will hold accountable any person who ignores their conscience just because they were told to do so by General Authorities. I will never make that mistake again.
I thought I was the only one who felt this way. I am thrilled to have found this blog and I thank all of you—especially those who remain LDS and thus have the power to create positive change from within—for your magnificent apologies and your thoughtful words.

MJ

I will do whatever I can to bring the change I wish to see.

I hadn't really thought about it before. But as I watched Proposition 8 move forward, I felt sadness... This doesn't feel right... I felt anger... I wanted to follow my leaders, but I couldn't agree with what they were doing.

I don't agree. I am sorry. I don't know what else I can do, and I will do whatever I can to bring the change I wish to see.

Jen

The dissenting voices must come from within the church

I am a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. I attend every Sunday with my husband and four children. I've served faithfully as a missionary and in numerous callings over the years. It is hard to express how deeply disappointed I am with what my church has said and done regarding homosexuality. Please know that there are many of us who do not feel the same way as our church leaders. I have been asked how I can stay in my church after the Props and Elder Packer's comments. I ask myself the same question. I've come to the answer that if those of us who oppose the church's position on homosexuality jump ship - change will never occur. It will only be by voicing our concerns and dismay that things might be different for our children and grandchildren. The dissenting voices must come from within the church - criticism from outside the church is seen as adversity - and only makes church members more entrenched. My daughter is at BYU. While most still follow hold to the "iron rod" unquestioningly, there is a growing group who are having conversations about the issue and are gaining courage to speak out - which is far harder than any non-Mormon could understand. I am saddened by what my church has done. I'm trying to make a difference. I hope change comes.

-AW

Things will change as more of us stand up for the teachings of Jesus

Phyllis Barber wrote something in her essay entitled "The gift of a broken heart" which was published in Sunstone magazine #150:

“My faith is fortified by my Mormon heritage and the strength and determination of those ancestors who came before me. I am a product of what they began and insisted on creating with their ardent belief in a Kingdom of God and a United Order. These roots are my roots, and my faith is stronger because these roots have nurtured and provided a platform of belief and trust in divine guidance. I’m inspired and moved by the power of my Mormon community, in which people are striving to love with pure and open hearts; in the knowledge that I am a cell in the body of this community, even though humans sometimes struggle with what love means.” -Phyllis Barber

The last line is most important. I am sorry for the pain and anguish the church and gospel I belong to has caused my gay and lesbian brothers and sisters. Most people are doing what they think is right, but are making a sad error.

Things will change as more of us stand up for the teachings of Jesus and our own conscience instead of the traditions of our fathers.

Stay strong and fight the fight!

-Derec

The Gospel of Jesus Christ is not about hate.

I want to say I'm sorry. The Gospel of Jesus Christ is not about hate. It's not about forcing anyone to live a certain way. Moral agency means we each get to choose our own path, and that means EVERYONE decides for themselves. I'm sorry that my church occasionally forgets our 11th Article of Faith: "We claim the privilege of worshiping Almighty God according to the dictates of our own conscience, and allow all men the same privilege,let them worship how, where,or what they may."

-Stephanie

I can't even begin to say what a painful and soul-damaging experience this has been.

I am a bisexual lifetime member of the church, who was living in CA when everything happened with Prop 8. It's easy for me to "hide", as a wife and mother with small children...and so I did. I can't even begin to say what a painful and soul-damaging experience this has been.

I lost a dear family member to Prop 8. He had come out ofter his mission, and his family had reached a sense of equilibrium...celebrating his civil union the year before. Prop 8 changed all of that. He asked his family to support his marriage, and between him and the church, they felt that it was the righteous choice to pick the church over their son.

To this day it makes me angry just thinking about it; considering how much damage was done in my family alone. It makes me sad that I felt so threatened. The things that were said to me be other members, feeling perfectly justified, were hideous. The things that family members have said to me have been equally so. It breaks my heart that I am not allowed to live and let live. I can't state the way I identify myself without a battle and condescending statements that I couldn't possibly feel the way that I do unless I have sinned.

It's been a long road for me since being bullied into voting yes on Prop 8...and I am deeply sorry for that choice. I have learned and grown, and am choosing at this point to begin to step away from the church. I can't believe the amount of guilt and shame that have been heaped on my head--when I have done nothing other then tell a few close people that I find women attractive--my heart goes out to those who have been hurt by this, both non-members, and members of the church who have not hidden the way I have.

The statements this past General Conference have been a final straw for me. It is a lie that the church is taking the same stance it always has. For years under President Hinkley the policy was encouraging members to treat *everyone* with respect. While members, of any orientation, were encouraged to remain chaste until marriage, I never saw the sort of shame that has been handed out in recent years. Going back to telling gay members that they can and should change has set the church back more then ten years. Do not believe that the policy and tone has remained the same, please, I beg you.

I can't change that vote...and I can't change the years of silence, head down, as people have said these thing from the pulpit, but in general meetings and local wards, but I can offer my deepest apology for my silence, and vote with my feet. While I can't change the beliefs of others, I have never felt the god I pray to every night condone this. Between the church and Deity...as painful as it might be...I choose Deity.

We are all here to practice our free agency. To choose....

I've been a member of the LDS church all my life. I've just recently started to open my eyes to the fact that its definitely not perfect. I too disagree with Packers recent talk and the church's involvement in Prop 8. I've always been taught that the whole reason we came down to earth was to gain a physical body and practice our free agency. Why does the church feel it has the responsibility to affect someone else's choices. We are all here to practice our free agency. To choose....

-Laura