Sunday, November 9, 2008

Lord, make me an instrument of thy peace.

I sat in the LDS Temple in Los Angeles tonight and tried to clear my head of mundane or "worldly" thoughts, as I usually do when attending the temple. The temple is a haven, where I go to remind myself of the great spiritual truths I believe. Tonight, however, it was a little harder to separate the worldly from the spiritual. Just two days earlier, my haven had been a battleground.

Two nights ago, I read reports and saw pictures of the protest in front of the temple. I, like most of the LDS community, felt sick. Yet I couldn't feel any anger for those protesting. All I felt was a horrifying sadness that the actions of my church and many of its members had hurt a group of people so deeply. I left the library where I was studying, walked around the block a few times, and cried. I cried because the temple, my symbol of hope and love, had become a symbol of oppression for thousands of people.

Pondering this in the temple tonight, the words of St. Francis of Assisi came to my mind as they often have the past couple of weeks. I hope and pray that I can remember and apply them, to show a greater love for all my brothers and sisters, and to help heal wounded hearts.

Lord, make me an instrument of thy peace.
Where there is hatred, let me sow love;
Where there is injury, pardon;
Where there is doubt, faith;
Where there is despair, hope;
Where there is darkness, light;
Where there is sadness, joy.

O divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek
To be consoled as to console,
To be understood as to understand,
To be loved as to love;

For it is in giving that we receive;
It is in pardoning that we are pardoned;
It is in dying that we are born to eternal life.


-Lauren

4 comments:

  1. Lauren --

    Thank you, and everyone else here, for your kind words. I must admit, I'm having a hard time right now feeling anything positive about my former church and everyone still in it. Before I found this website, I was prepared to write off all Mormons as a group of people not even worth bothering with. You had all taken your very public, legally-binding stand against me and my fiance (which is what I will call him now, until we manage to earn back the right you all have stolen from us), and I felt, feel, justified in taking my stand against you -- and it's a hard one.

    The creators of this blog have done more to improve my image of Mormons than anything the Mormon church leadership has done in years. I'm glad you don't all feel the same way. I do wish more of you had been on our side a few weeks ago when it actually would have mattered, but, whatever, the sentiments here are nice to hear all the same.

    For the record, I commented here to respond specifically to one part of your message:

    "I cried because the temple, my symbol of hope and love, had become a symbol of oppression for thousands of people."

    Correction: *Millions* of people. California has ~36 Million residents. Conservatively estimating that 5% of those are gay, that's 1.8 Million people in California alone who now view your temples as a symbol of oppression. Estimating the US population at ~300 Million, 5% of that is 15 Million gays and lesbians nationwide -- meaning there 2 Million more of us in the US alone than there are total members of your church worldwide.

    Your missionaries, especially the ones in California, have their work cut out for them now in a way your church's leadership was foolish not to anticipate.

    By "thousands" of people, you're only referring to the 18,000 couples -- 36,00 individuals -- in California who got married this summer, whose marriages are now in legal limbo because of Proposition 8.

    One last thought -- I'm hearing a *lot* of anguish in these letters from people who apparently felt all torn up inside about the vote the felt was the right one and the vote their church was pressuring them to make. I am reminded of my mission, when we taught people that messages from and of God would create a warm, loving, calming and healing burning in the bosom; and that things of the devil would cause a stupor of thought. Did no one, full of anguish in their soul over their church's stance on this, ever consider they might try applying the same standards of what is right and what is not, to themselves, as they ask the investigators of their church to do in their own lives?

    Still -- I meant what I said -- I appreciate all the kind words being spoken here, it means a lot. Would you mind if I challenged all of you to put some action behind those words next time, and actually do good in deed, and not just word, the next time you are given the opportunity to change the world?

    Thank you,

    Scott Van Tussenbrook
    Los Angeles, CA

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  2. Would you mind if I challenged all of you to put some action behind those words next time, and actually do good in deed, and not just word, the next time you are given the opportunity to change the world?

    In fairness, I suspect that most of those who have posted "apologies" here voted against Proposition 8, if they were registered to vote in California.

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  3. I voted against it too. I also donated money to fight its passage and I canvassed my neighborhood and I talked to my family and I worked the phone banks.

    I'm inviting those who feel moved to our side to actually participate with us instead of making a big deal about how anguished they felt while voting against us -- next time.

    I absolutely do commend those posting to this site -- I know they're on our side. I guess I'm still having a hard time controlling my disappointment over this -- it comes out a little "forcefully," sometimes.

    ;)

    -- S

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  4. Scott, I think you are wrong is assuming that most who have posted on this site are merely showing anguish but did not do anything else. I am very certain that for almost all of the posters, they did not vote in support of Prop 8. As for Lauren, I know for a fact that she gave a talk in her ward just weeks before the elections which responded to and criticized the Prop 8 efforts. It was a talk that answered my prayers and encouraged me to take a greater stance against Prop 8.

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